Friday, August 20, 2010
I had the misfortune of being seated next to a match.com date. The young lady on the date was beautiful and elegant. She was a Parisian babe with shy mannerisms and aggressive sex appeal. She was escorted by her photo shopped date who was clearly not ONLY a disappointment to her but to all of humanity. Clearly, he was out of his league with this French fox darned in white jeans (which is a daring feat for any woman to pull off). I was having dinner with a friend of mine that night and she was running late, so naturally I became deeply involved in this couple's date. I over heard they met on match.com. He was VERY excited with the match but she seemed VERY confused! My friend eventually arrived. We ordered dinner and we caught up. My attention was diverted from the date during dinner. After dinner my friend excused herself to go to the rest room. Once again i tuned in. I became refocused on this awkward date. The man probably in his early 30's looked like he was still a virgin. After consuming a 1/2 glass of chardonnay, he was confident enough to summons up his alter ego, who was apparently Sid Vicious. He started bragging about his experience with drugs. He started interrogating 'Snow White' on her drug resume. She confessed she never tried drugs. He suddenly got a surge of confidence, passed judgement on the girl for never experimenting with heroin and continued to press on with his line of bullshit!! I have been around the block, and can spot a nerd conjuring up stories he probably googled or saw on intervention. Shortly after, my friend returned from the bathroom and we decided to skip desert and just get the check. In the interim his date excuses herself to the bathroom. It took us about a half an hour to get our check. His date was STILL in the bathroom. Eventually we paid the check, got up to go and as we were leaving, I bent down and whispered in his ear, "she's been in the bathroom a long time. You better go check on her, she could be shooting up."